25 Feb 2026
All I want to do is listen to calming folk songs without autoplay subjecting me to groups of dorks singing pirate songs! That may sound a bit rich coming from me, a man attempting to listen to obscure folk songs, to call these guys dorks; after all, they're being social, while I'm alone in a dark room--post-wank. The purity of a bonnie lass singing a jig washes away the shame, you see... Until the Wellermen assault me in my ears!
This was a phenomenon that emerged (as far as I can tell) in the time of the Great Sickness. I noticed it then, these middle-aged men getting jolly and singing sea shanties, as the various bug-man groups spread out across the social medias. I suspect the people in their isolation found joy in watching these gentleman have a fun time. As Sophie_King_Awesome stated on 18 Jan 2021, "At first I was impressed by all the talent but now that stupid song is stuck in my head. It’s 3am and I can’t sleep because of the Wellerman!" None of us could, Ms King_Awesome.
It is a distressing thing to realise that this Wellermen assault did not end as the Sickness ended. The algorithms of the Googlenet did not let go of the trend. Now, these dorks haunt the previously blessed spaces of fine folk music, taunting me to no end. It is for this reason that although once forgiving of such pathetic behaviour in men my age, I will no longer let my tongue be silenced by my kind nature. Fuck you, Wellermen.